Pretty Snivelus
by Alexandros Black
Summary: Why is Severus dressed in drag in a muggle street? And what is Lucius doing in a car, talking to him? A second degree fanfic, inspired by an idea in Pandapens's "Hate, love and the rest". Oneshot, LM/SS.


**PRETTY SNIVELUS**

"Incendio!"

Damn his git of a father! Severus often wondered _why_. Why did his father have to be such a cheapskate git? Why did his father have to be a freaking Muggle? Why did his father have to be bloody magic-phobic? But most of all, Severus wondered why his mother, the beautiful, talented, _pureblood_ Eileen Prince had to hook up with said Muggle. And then, why did she have to get pregnant with him? And even more, why did she have to _marry_ him?

OK, scratch that one. A nice pureblood girl does not raise a child unmarried. But still. She could have seduced a rich, pureblood wizard and then forced him to marry her and raise the baby. Couldn't she? What kind of a Slytherin was she anyway?

Unfortunately, not that kind. And so Severus was stuck with Tobias Snape for a father. A Muggle, magic-phobic man who wouldn't pay for his own son's tuition in Majestic's Institution for the Advanced Development of Potions. Which was Severus's actual problem: That after finishing Hogwarts he wanted to attend the MIADP, but his dad wouldn't pay for it. He had made it clear in his letter - the one that Severus had just reduced to ashes.

"Mr. Snape!" Minerva McGonagall's strict voice echoed from the teacher's desk just as he got into class for Transfiguration. "You are a whole minute late! Five points from Slitherin!"

As Severus growled inwardly, he heard muffled giggling from the Griffindor part of the classroom, followed by a annoying little song Black, Lupin and Potter had devised over the last few days. "Pretty Snivelus, walking down the street!" _Bloody gits_, he thought ignoring them!

Severus hardly paid any attention to the rest of his classes for the day. He was contemplating options.

His best one was a scholarship of course, but it wouldn't be that easy. In order to achieve one, he had to get the best marks in his year, a Double Outstanding, which essentially meant getting Outstanding in every test, essay _and_ every potion brewing in class for the whole school year. He had made it last year, but the year before last he was beaten by Evans. Lily was just as good as him in Potions, if not better, so Severus was not feeling optimistic at all.

* * *

Severus was at Oxford street, standing on the pavement, occasionally walking up and down the street. The traffic was regular for eight o'clock pm, just a few cars driving slowly and stopping by, so their driver could check him out. If only his mother saw that she would surely disown him! He would never be lord Prince, he would never be potions master in Hogwarts, his two dreams since forever. Or maybe he would _because of that_; Dumbledore was an odd man.

He had to admit though, the clothes did suit him! Long slytherin-green skirt, open on the right showing off his nice calf; matching high-heeled shoes; silver silk stockings; a black top showing off his fake boobs (which were actually oranges, charmed to look black). A red wig concluded the ensemble which, he thought, was really like his actual hair, only longer and a bit cleaner. But he dismissed the thought as something that git Potter would say.

He paced up and down Oxford street, accidentally stepping on dog poop. He sighed. Why couldn't dog poop be transfigured to galleons? That would solve his problem once and for all!

A slytherin-green car stopped by him, the driver checking out his arse, while he bent to clean his shoe. "Hey gorgeous," said the driver, "care to give a bloke some company?"

_How about hexing you, you twat_, though Severus but instead he said "Hallo to you too, loverboy!" in his best sexy tramp voice and leaned his head in the open window to look at the driver. The moment he did it, he froze! Merlin's mother! Of all the men in Britain he had to hook up with _him!_.

"Malfoy! What are you doing here?"

Lucius smirked. "Seems I should be the one to ask you that, babe!"

Severus had a look of disgust, just like when he had seen McGonagall exiting Flitwick's office late at night, her cheeks flashing and her eyes checking the corridor guiltily to make sure it was empty.

"Oh come on, Snape", Lucius interrupted his thoughts. "If you are here dressed like that and I am here in Muggle clothing driving a Muggle car, then it's obvious what we are both looking for." He smirked. "So hop in, _babe_, and we'll have a good time."

If only he could transfigure Lucius Malfoy to dog poop instead! Severus never felt more angry and embarrassed in his life. He felt like trembling but, like the good Slytherin he was, he merely shrugged. "Fine," he said entering the car, "but it's a hundred galleons to you."

Lucius laughed. "A hundred galleons is pocket-money to a Malfoy" and started the engine.

A while after, the car was stopped in a dark alley, windows closed and doors locked. Lucius gave Severus a lustful look and touched his trousers with both hands. Slowly, he undid his belt. Then his buttons, one by one. Slowly, teasingly, he lowered both trousers and boxers, just enough for his erect member to appear.

Severus's eyes grew double in size. "What?" he gasped.

Lucius just shrugged. "I can lie to Muggles, but not to you, I suppose. It's just an enlargement charm. You like it?"

Severus let the breath he was holding all this time unconsciously and decided it was time to work. He lowered his head just a few centimetres above little Luc. He felt Lucius's hands grab him by the shoulder and a soft voice calling "Oh, Severus!"

A few moments later, while Severus had got seriously to business, the strong hands shook him powerfully. "Oh, Severus! Faster, Severus!"

* * *

Severus woke up as the strong hands shook him powerfully and a matching strong voice called "C'me on, Severus, wake up! Severus!"

"What?" he growled, eyes still half-shut.

"Wake up, mate, we'll be late for class!"

"Dammit, Zabini, I was sleeping" he replied. _And dreaming,_ he thought.

Ten minutes later, Snape and Zabini were entering the Potions classroom, Slughorn walking right after them. "Five points from Slytherin for almost being late, Mr. Snape", Slughorn said "and I want to see you after class".

Black, Lupin and Potter sang "Pretty Snivelus walking down the street" silently again and Severus ignored them, again!

After class, he walked over to the teacher's desk and waited patiently for the professor to pick up his notes. "Ah, Mr. Snape" he finally said facing him. "You'll be glad to know that, so far, you have been going a lot better than everyone else in this class, including Ms. Evans. Hence, you are already top of your class for this year. I am honoured to inform you that I will be recommending to the MIADP admissions board for a full scholarship! Congratulations!"

Severus was at a loss for words, perhaps for the first time in his life. "Professor" he said finally, a bit more enthusiastically than he would prefered, "thank you! Thank you very much!"

And with a rare grin he left the classroom, only missing Lucius's smirk and slow humming of "Pretty Snivelus" for a second.

* * *

**Author's note:** I hope you liked it. It was me who wrote it, but I would never had done it if it wasn't for Pandapens and her muse! The idea of Severus in drag being picked up by Lucius is mentioned (as a joke) in chapter 36 of Pandapens's _Hate, love and the rest_, a great story I strongly recommend you to read!


End file.
